15 days and counting

Its 3 in the morning and I'm feeling a little stressed about life in general as the day of graduation approaches (15 more). Right now I'm currently behind in 3 of my 4 current classes which isn't good and doesn't help me much in the big picture of things. This is nothing new though and nothing that I haven't been working on over the past month its just a lot of hard concepts and work in general. I've been doing homework non-stop the past 2 weeks to try to catch up but somehow there always seems to be more. I know most people probably worry about what there going to do after graduation but that worry hasn't even entered my head I'm more worried about my parents and family flying half way across the country to see me graduate and me having to tell them that its not happening. I guess its what keeps me going these past few weeks although I"m still feeling overwhelmed and burned out of school. I've been praying a lot probably more than ever for God to give me the strength to get through these final weeks. This is by far the hardest semester of my life which in a way I can be thankful for considering I'm not dying or at least I don't think I am I have been having a few health problems but nothing too major. I wish that my senior semester blog was all about the great things that I've done or the good times that I've had which there has been some good times but they always seem to be about pain and hardships that I've been having. I'm really fun I promise, well I guess I should get back to work......

Thanksgiving Break=23 till graduation!

Oh man, I can't believe how fast this semester is going! Its finally Thanksgiving break which is crazy! Things are slowly getting better as the semester goes on but the more days go by the more I realize how much I'm going to miss this place that I have hated for so long. I mean sure I won't miss tests, papers and studying but the community I know is something that I'm never going to have again, or at least the one im in right now. Plus I don't know how ready I am to grow up just yet, but I guess it has to happen sooner or later. This past weekend I went to the Keith Urban Concert and the lighting of the christmas tree parade both of which were pretty amazing. Yeah I'm going to miss it....

I hate my phone/life right now

So I woke this morning all refreshed which on most days feels great but I thought to myself isnt' today a schoo day? Yes, yes I do believe today is thursday and I just missed my whole media studies class. Is that the one that your not doing well in Mike, why yes yes it is. Crap...... Of course I set my phone alarm clock to the proper time what I forgot to do is turn it off of viberate grrrrrr theres another absent and other thing thats stressing me out, thank you cell phone. My life is too stressful right now. I don't think I've ever been more stressed out in my life and I hate it. I feel sick all the time with anxiety and fear. I mean I have 37 days to make it happen but from where I'm at I bearly see the tip of the mountain that I'm trying to climb. Trying to graduate and not doing wel in not one but 3 of the 4 classes that I have left to graduate. My family already bought their plane tickets to fly across the whole country to see me graduate (which is not cheap by the way) and I'm border line going to graduate, there are no garnenttees which I would really like about now. My biggest fear is for me to have to ride that stupid El down to that crappy airport and having to tell them that I failed. Not that they would'nt love me but the fact that I would have dissapointed the only people that turely love me in something that I could have done maybe if I tried just a little bit harder. Not to mention the that would be the worst flight ever being inbetween a pissed off Mom and Grandma. I'm tring hard I really am but I have ADD or something I just can't focus anymore maybe I'm scared to graduate. Although I really want to move on and do something new but maybe its just the fear of change that has gotten me as well, im finally going to be a grown up which is a good thing but its still new none the less. I also have this fear that I'm not going to be able to hang out with most of these people here ever again and this thing called school is getting in the way of it. I know the right answer family school comes first, but in my mind theres always going to be another test, another paper, another boring class that you have to be ontime for my friends are going to be gone for almost good in 37 days. 37 days thats all I got, please give me strength Lord I need it! And some peace too, but not too much just enough to put me at ease but also on my toes.....

Wednesday=half way there

Its Wednesday morning and I'm just sitting here studying in my apt with my cup of coffee and bowl of oatmeal working on Rhetorical Theory and Analaysis as usual. I'm still in the 3rd period so I should be hitting the books through out the week even the weekend. Lord give me strenght......

Forty Days & Forty Nights

"I will send homework on the earth forty days and forty nights; and I will blot out from the face of the land and every living thing that I have made." Ok, so maybe God was refering to the flood that covered the earth for Noah and his family but as of right now I have 40 days and forty nights until I am a free man. Thats right I graduate from high school in the same amount of time that Noah had to be on a boat, which is inspiring me because if he can be on a boat for 40 days and nights with stinky animals why can't I do homework for that long? Today is my first of 40 days and 40 nights of homework and studying....Who knows maybe God will send me a dove with an graduation hat?

Saved the best classes for last.....

So I'm on my 8th week of school and I've come to realize that I've saved the best classes for my last semester....Ok so im being sacastic but I really could'nt of picked a worst last semester of classes, however I am enjoying my Econmic Botany class which goes on super sweet field trips every week but unfortunatly that class ends next week :(. Rhetorical Theory and Analysis has been a pain in my side since the begining. I just don't understand a lot of the concepts or how to write some of the papers, and when I ask for help I don't get what I'm looking for. I'm taking a class on the book of John which hey its the Bible I should be wanting to learn more about Jesus but when you've already taken a whole year in schol to study the bible and feel like you should'nt have to take the class to begin with, you get where I'm at right now frustraited and behind. Then I have my back to back classes with probably my least favorite teacher in the com department, Media Studies and Gender Studies. She's just really boring and I don't agree with a lot of her views on things. Like today I asked her if she could tell me if there was any home work assignments in a class and she told me yes but to ask someone from the class. Ok, I'm sorry I missed your class but honestly why can't you just tell me what the homework asignment is? I mean was she not in the class or something? Ok thats enough venting about all of the things I don't like about this semester so far. On to the good stuff. This semester has been fun socially being able to take a lot of trips and visit people. So far I've gone to Indiana to visit Kacy, Home to California, been downtown a couple of times, Wisconsin, and next week im going to Colorado for a much needed fall break. Living with Josh and Matt has been both a blessing and an interesting ride all at the same time. I consider both of them as my closest friends here at North Park the only problem is they don't quite see eye to eye which makes for an interesting situation at times but other than that I love being able to have both of them close by. Well thats all I got for now, I mean there is more but I really can't write about it now because well I just can't ;) but I am going to end this blog with 3 short term goals that I think will help me the remainder of the semester.

The 3 short term goals
1. spend at least 3 hours a day on homework
2. Work out more
3. Spend time with Jesus!

Im back

im back to finally blogging again and hopefully Ill be able to post stuff and keep life interesting for my last semester of college!